Death is a part of life.
We will all lose someone we love dearly be it a parent, friend, brother, sister, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, niece, or nephew, and sometimes even the hardest pain: losing a child.
A personal experience made me realize that there is actually no coping mechanism in place for us as humans to deal with or accept the loss we feel for many more days, months, and years to come.
We merely start the process of what we call healing, where one day we start to feel like it's going to be ok, that today is the day I may start to feel like I'm ready to put the trauma behind me. The truth is, the human mind doesn’t allow us to forget our trauma but it allows us to bury it in the far reaches of our brains where we feel it's safely behind us and we find a sense of a “new normal”.
“Coping” with grief
In the last few years, I have been through many trials learning to live through my grief and how best to feel when the days seem dark and tough. Recently, our family lost another dear member to suicide completely unexpectedly. That very loss broke my soul and made me question why we are not aware when someone is so desperately fragile. How could they think that there is no one who could possibly fathom how they feel or what they would need in order to heal through the trauma that finally pushes them to do what we perceive as the unthinkable?
Often we get asked these very questions because people don’t know in general how to ask how you are doing. Their first response is often, are you “coping”? The truth is you do not cope through grief, you grieve silently until you feel you no longer are grieving. This process may take years, months, and sometimes the remainder of your life.
How do you live with the loss of a loved one?
If you or someone you know has lost a loved one, the following tips may help you cope with the grief:
- Let yourself feel the pain, and any other emotion you’re experiencing.
- Be patient with the process.
- Acknowledge your feelings, even the ones you don't like.
- Get support from family, friends, and professional advisors.
- Try to maintain your normal lifestyle.
- Take care of yourself.
The tough questions
Mostly, we as individuals will do all of those things. Sometimes people will ask you what happened, how did they pass, maybe it was quick, they are no longer suffering. These are often things a grieving family member doesn’t want to hear. When you’re grieving, your biggest question is “why”. It makes you angry, mad at the world, others, and life in general, and also their biggest fight will be WITH YOUR GOD!
There will always be “why’s” and “what if’s”. What if we had done something differently? What if I had reacted sooner? What if I had been there? Why didn’t I see the signs? Why did it have to be my mom, dad, sister, brother, child, etc.?
There is no answer to this question no matter how many times you phrase it and ask it, the answer will always be the same. Someone once told me that this life is preordained and that this book of life is already all set out for us. We are born and we are rough diamonds being polished every day as we move through life. Once that diamond is perfectly polished, it leaves this earth because their purpose here is done. Death has no limit, no age, and no gender.
Gone but not forgotten
Each and every first we go through without the person we lost, we want to share with them. It is shared with them in spirit. They see us at our best and they see us at our worst. Go easy on yourself. Grieving is a healthy process whether you cry, scream or shout or even express anger at times. This is your process. There is no limitation to it.
A pastor once mentioned during a funeral service about someone asking him when will this pain stop. How does it end? The question he posed forward, “Are you asking me if you will forget this person who is no longer here?” It doesn’t end because you celebrate them on their birthdays, celebrate them when you achieve something great, and celebrate the life they had because you had them for just those moments. At every turn, they are celebrating with you even though you cannot see them. Their love lives on through you.
Open your heart to yourself & others
Remember that in death there is no blame. We cannot hold ourselves responsible for the loved ones we lose, even though we will always believe that just one small action may have changed in that split second and that we wouldn’t need to deal with the hurt we feel.
Open your heart to those that are grieving. We don’t understand their pain or their loss. Never be short with someone struggling to come to terms with grief. There is no boundary, no limitation.
Remember every special thing you do in your life from that day forward will be in memory of that special someone you wished could have been there. They are, just not in human form but in the best form possible they live on in us through every random act of kindness.
Grief will make you sad. It will make you feel weak, but most importantly it will make you a better version of yourself if remember to love strongly and love kindly. Always speak about those you’ve loved and lost as if they were an eternal force within you.
Are you trying to cope with loss? Online grief counseling from psychic readers and spiritual advisors can help. Connect with Advisor Robyn, a fourth-generation clairvoyant, to find out how you can heal from the loss of someone you love. Ask Robyn about her ability to connect with the other side and what messages your loved ones may have for you.