Some people share the innermost parts of themselves with ease. They can open up about their thoughts and feelings to just about anyone who will listen. They wear their heart on their sleeve and can’t help but let their emotions show. Then, there are those of us who find it harder to let our guard down and be vulnerable.
The very definition of the word “vulnerability” sounds scary. The dictionary says it’s the state of being susceptible to physical or emotional harm. Who would welcome that? However, emotional vulnerability can be a positive trait.
When it comes to finding love, vulnerability is essential. It’s natural to be cautious in matters of the heart, especially if it’s been broken before. The walls we built keep us safe but they also keep out a lot of good stuff. If we can’t be vulnerable and let our guard down, we’ll struggle to find the deep intimacy a lasting relationship requires.
Are you ready to tear down your walls and open your heart? Here are six mantras to recite when you want to encourage your vulnerable side:
“I deserve love”
If the walls you’ve built to protect your heart are particularly strong, it’s likely because some part of you doesn’t feel worthy of love. You keep your guard up, afraid to show your true self, because you don’t think you’re loveable. Practice self-compassion and work on boosting your self-worth. You deserve as much love as anyone else.
“There is someone out there worthy of my love”
Don’t assume the worst of everyone. Sure, you’ve been hurt before but you can’t judge everyone else by the actions of one individual. Stay open to the possibility that true love is out there. Once you meet the right person, they’ll treat you as you deserve to be treated.
“It’s ok to share my feelings”
When you’re guarded, it’s not easy to share your feelings with others. You keep it all in because you’re scared to speak your truth. Try opening up to someone you trust, like a friend, family member or counsellor so you can learn that it’s safe and healthy to express yourself. In a relationship, it’s ok to talk about your vulnerability. Let your partner know your fears and hesitations.
“Rejection isn’t a reflection of my worth”
At some point, pretty much everyone gets rejected. Romantic rejection hurts. It seems impossible not to take it personally, but if things don’t work out that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. There are other people and circumstances at play. Sometimes it’s a matter of chemistry, sometimes it’s about timing. Either way, it’s a part of life. It might scare you, but just remember that you’ll survive it.
“I will not run from this discomfort”
For some, that feeling of vulnerability is enough to make you bolt. It can be uncomfortable to feel exposed and helpless, but running from the feelings we dislike can mean missing out on what we may enjoy if we’re able to hold on longer. If you feel like your walls are crumbling, just try and tough it out. Push yourself to step out of your comfort zone and face your fear.
“Vulnerable is a risk worth taking”
The fear of judgement and rejection is terrifying. Yet, vulnerability in a relationship allows us to nurture a special closeness. It’s a risk to let your walls down, but the payoff can be so wonderful. When you are vulnerable, you are your most genuine, open and emotional self. These are parts of you that you may keep hidden much of the time but as long as you can allow yourself to open up to the people closest to your heart, that’s all that really matters.