It’s true that all relationships have their ups and downs.
Sometimes we need to get that spark back. Everyone gets comfortable after some time has passed. The desire to pursue is no longer there. It might make us feel bad or unwanted. There's comfort in knowing you have each other, but both sides don't always feel that way.
So how do you spice things up? How do you get that fire and passion back? Here are my top 10 ways:
Go on a date
I know it sounds simple to some. But it’s so important to plan and commit to date nights when you and your partner are free. Schedule a date night every week or every month, whatever frequency works for you both. If one or both of you can't make it, reschedule and make sure it's made up for. It doesn’t need to be extravagant all the time. Even staying home and ordering in is a date. Making it about you and your partner is what’s most important.
Coordinating your outfits
This might not be for everyone but it is a very endearing way to be playful and have fun with one another. Coordinate colors and styles on dates, to dinner parties, or any event. It can be formal, casual, or even funny. It depends on the situation. This can mean so much to you and your partner, showing everyone around you that you are proud to have one another.
Give a gift from the heart
There's something special about homemade gifts. A simple card or handmade jewelry can mean the world to your partner. Personalize it with meaningful monograms. Gift-giving is always best when it’s personal and something you know they will treasure.
Play a game together
Games are a great way to spend time, laugh, and let the worries go. Play a video game, board game, or get outside and get active. One-on-one competition can be very intimate without being sexual. Playing can put you both at ease and help you forget about stress. With a game, you'll lose yourself in a good way.
Write a love letter
Specifically, write down five things you love about each other. It's a meaningful and intimate activity that confirms your feelings. It’s extremely touching to read what your partner has to say about you. It's also satisfying to tell them what you love about them. You want them to know how much you mean to them. You want them to feel good. Expect that feeling in return.
Make wishes come true
Ask your partner what their three wishes or fantasies are and try to grant at least one to the best of your ability. Make sure it’s reciprocated. It can be anywhere from wanting your favorite dinner to something a bit more on the naughty side. Whatever it may be make a night of it and enjoy the special treatment that you didn’t need to even request. Make each other's fantasies come alive.
Physical affection is one of the most sought-after attributes in any relationship. It makes us feel attractive to our partners. But after some time, it does dwindle. It doesn’t have to remain that way. Sometimes it’s about taking the first step. That’s all it takes. And then from there, you can make a habit out of it. If they are with you, you don’t need to feel uncomfortable doing what came naturally from the start. Most of the time its life, work, or even kids that have a hand in how we function in relationships. With so much going on, sometimes we need a boost to get that spark back.
This is extremely helpful if you both are under a lot of stress. The best way is to suggest it and start it and guide the other, rather than telling or asking. It’s better to make it a gentle pressure-free habit. Mediating can help bring you closer spiritually. It helps you both clear your mind and relieve stress when done right. It may not be the easiest thing to get your partner to do. Yet, it is something that can generate interest in doing more things together. Make a night of it and set yourself up for when you are about to go to bed to see how you both feel in the morning. The results can be very surprising.
Understanding what happiness means
One major thing I always tell my clients is that happiness doesn’t come from one another. It’s impossible to make or keep your partner happy and vice versa. It’s a big responsibility that can be easily overlooked. The truth is that happiness only comes from ourselves. When we are happy in our own lives, we are able to share that happiness with one another. It only takes half of you and half of them to make a whole. It’s perfectly healthy not to give your all to your partner. You have to save something for yourself at the end of the day. Think of giving half of your heart and then giving half of theirs to create a whole. That’s all you need. With this understanding, your relationship can change so much for the better.
Have a deep conversation
This is the most important way to reconnect and figure out what the other one wants. It’s not always easy to talk but there are ways to get your partner’s attention. You can try writing down certain things you need to discuss but also suggesting that they do the same. Be straightforward, but it’s all about the delivery.
The first thing is to make sure it’s in person or over the phone with your own voice. Texting doesn’t always cut it. The vibrations of your voice can make a world of difference. Speak calmly and they'll listen. Give them the chance to speak on the things they need to. You're essentially creating a safe space. That’s true comfort. You may surprise yourself with how much you get in return.
It’s not always easy to get your partner to do any of these things. But you can try at the very least and see what happens from there. Even the effort of trying new simple things can mean a lot. This can show that you're really trying and may spark your partner to think of new things on their own.
Are you still in love but unhappy with the relationship? Try at least one of these suggestions. Changing things up can have a major impact in the best way for your relationship. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.